the safari press

onward...

2010-03-15T23:46:00.000-07:00

(still from cowboy love)

as you may have guessed, the safari press is somewhat defunct, collecting dust, retired. it's been a good run. for a solid three years this has been my go to place to share photos, stories, adventures and daydreams. but the time has come to move on up in the internet world. from now on the safari press will function solely as an archive of my work and experience in those formative post grad years.

for more up to date news on my projects visit my website.
for my photography visit me on flickr.

and if yer in the mood to reminisce here are some of my favorite
safari press blog posts:

arts & fartz
on the road
i left my heart in colorado
but grew another in california

thanks, folks. it's been real.

from rachel's room

2009-11-13T00:14:00.000-08:00

revival

2009-11-11T11:40:00.000-08:00

it's been a long time, folks. way too long. truth is i jumped ship in july for a six week travel adventure and just haven't gotten my shizz together since i returned. so i'm going to attempt to play catch up, starting with my east coast trip to philly, a two week romance with cuba and another two on the road across the u.s.a. then i'll jump into the excitement that is my day to day in oakland, ca.

so here are some gems from the great city of philadelphia:

real independence day

2009-07-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

alyssa hangs out in tent city.

ratty and shawna set up shop on the rocks.

nature's spa.

mullein and the man in the rock.

dyke march 2009

2009-07-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

frameline33

2009-07-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

i just completed one of the best jobs i've ever had working as the volunteer coordinator for frameline33, sf's international lgbt film festival. i spent a lot of time at this theater, the roxie on 16th and valencia.

anatomy of rust

2009-07-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

railway graveyard

2009-07-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

urban adventures

2009-06-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

bart

2009-06-18T01:40:00.000-07:00

memorial day on mt. diablo part II

2009-06-18T01:27:00.001-07:00

memorial day on mt. diablo part I

2009-06-01T19:22:00.001-07:00

overdue

2009-05-29T18:58:00.000-07:00

so it's been over a month since my last post. lots to fill you eager kids out there on, which will all come in due time.

for now i just want to share some sweet photos from my new digital camera of our dank-ass west oakland backyard:

grass loungin

2009-04-20T00:18:00.000-07:00

ilyssa & ez kick back in the grass at albany bulb

emily on the bay

2009-04-19T10:21:00.001-07:00

a pensive emily takes in the bay while the city of san francisco looms in the distance

american steel

2009-04-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

the old american steel building on mandela parkway in west oakland.

california dreams

2009-04-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

don't wake me up...

spaces

2009-04-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

picnic party

2009-03-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

beach rats

2009-03-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

blurred vision sets in during a rousing game of tag.

clio as chic as always.

the tompkins take a moment.

kyle snaps a photo while the gang explores the rocks.

green

2009-03-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

ruins at sunset

2009-03-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

a dilapidated house rests silently behind
the pie ranch barn.

allison on the beach

2009-03-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

hat tail and all.

adventure day in half moon bay

2009-03-15T09:58:00.000-07:00

yesterday ramona, her brother kyle, ilyssa, clio and their friend liz and i all went on an adventure to the california coast. we walked down to the ocean, had a picnic on the beach and then ate pie and drank coffee at the pie ranch a few miles away. we saw a dead dog shark, a dying seal and a pregnant goat. all in all a really lovely day. here are some polaroids from the fun:

the gang makes a stop to peer over an old footbridge
on our way down to the beach.

picnic on the beach.

back to the baths

2009-03-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

ratdog ponders on the rocks at the sutro bath ruins.

adventures in alameda

2009-03-10T23:19:00.000-07:00

turds in oakland.

2009-03-02T12:10:00.000-08:00

some recent disposable camera shots:

ilyssa and her bike.

marcia.

the gang. what are they looking at?

a blimp!

that's me. above photo by marcia ong.

defremery park

2009-02-28T10:32:00.000-08:00

polk & eddy

2009-02-27T16:48:00.000-08:00

head in the clouds

2009-02-26T19:14:00.000-08:00

mission street. san francisco, ca.

tenth street. oakland, ca.

children's fairyland. for children only.

2009-02-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

fairyland, right here in oakland, happens to be one of my old childhood stompin grounds. but things have changed since the early 90s. now you must be accompanied by a child to gain entrance into the park. i assume this is to dissuade pedophiles and other creepazoids. but what about twenty-somethings who just want to live out their youth once more? anyway, the sign is as far as we got...

summer in february

2009-02-23T10:07:00.000-08:00

before the rain came

2009-02-22T11:28:00.000-08:00

friday and saturday felt like summer in february; sunny and warm.
me and the housemates spent friday afternoon hanging out on the
stoop looking at moss and dirt through a magnifying glass.

double date

2009-02-21T21:09:00.000-08:00

the conversation

2009-02-20T20:45:00.000-08:00

morning coffee. deep thought.

book nook

2009-02-17T07:03:00.000-08:00

the little ledge on our front porch is the perfect place
for reading on a rainy day.

house bonding

2009-02-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

bort meadow

2009-02-13T14:39:00.000-08:00

tp run

2009-02-12T19:46:00.000-08:00

this little old ice cream truck sits just a few blocks away from our home here in oakland. i always walk past it thinking i should bring my camera out to take a photo. here's an attempt at capturing its glory.

also with this photo i decided to do a little post production altering of the image, something i never do. what do you think? looks good? or am i an obvious impostor?

transportation

2009-02-11T23:02:00.000-08:00

the west oakland bart at sunset.

love's travel stop on the drive down to l.a.

my house, the truck and marcia.

2009-02-11T08:24:00.000-08:00

backyard breakfast

2009-02-09T21:20:00.000-08:00

sadie

2009-02-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

photo by renny mccauley

carrie elzey on the set of FLAT

lunch break

2009-02-07T15:52:00.000-08:00

the cast and crew breaks for lunch on day two.

gillian & sadie

2009-02-06T13:14:00.000-08:00

photo by terrie samundra

scenery samundra & carrie elzey on the set of FLAT

ladder shot

2009-02-05T12:53:00.001-08:00

to get a serious high angle shot of the long, empty road
my amazing director of photography,marcia ong,
rigged the camera to a 12ft ladder.
here mackenzie passes a lens to marcia.

sisters on set

2009-02-04T08:21:00.000-08:00

scenery samundra who starred in my short as
gillian, a young woman on the road.

terrie samundra, my amazing producer.

movie magic

2009-02-01T08:51:00.000-08:00

the crew of 'flat' gathers around our star, scenery, at the wheel.

well i finally wrapped production on my first year film. it was an amazing shoot; i couldn't have asked for a better time. we drove out to esparto, ca early on friday morning, shot all day and then spent the night before another full day of shooting on saturday. we did a lot of really tricky things including car mount shots, a high angle ladder shot and four beautiful dolly shots. i'll be headed to LA on sunday for my telecine when i'll finally see everything we shot.

the best thing about the whole experience was working with a dedicated, hard working crew. everyone was so great and so fun to have on set. i couldnt have pulled it off without them.
a big thanks to everyone: terrie, marcia, nicki, angie, bethynia, mackenzie, renny, pio, tanner and my incredible actors scenery and carrie. you are all wonderful!

and somehow i managed to take some polaroids on set. there are many more to come as well as some production stills taken by my many amazing crew members...

market and grove

2009-01-26T08:12:00.000-08:00

annie and ilyssa exit the bart station in downtown sf.

not in service

2009-01-25T22:54:00.000-08:00

sunday trips to san francisco. less trains, less often.

garden time

2009-01-22T17:30:00.000-08:00

i just bought some spectra film... in the past i could easily buy spectra in bulk off ebay, but it's becoming increasingly hard to find unexpired film. i spent way more than i would have liked but the detail and sharpness make it so worth it.

director and dp

2009-01-21T10:43:00.001-08:00

movie star. movie maker.

2009-01-20T19:42:00.001-08:00

melissa bruno

jib shot

2009-01-19T09:20:00.000-08:00

the above shots are from the set of nicki's first year film. on saturday we used a triangle jib to get a sweet high angle shot of melissa, our lead actress. it was pretty much the coolest thing ever.

'180' at the sutro baths

2009-01-16T13:12:00.000-08:00

yesterday i was on the set of nicki manchisi's first year film, '180'. we got three scenes done, two of which took place along the beach at the sutro bath ruins in san francisco. below are some highlight polaroids of the day:

the director takes a moment to pose before running the next scene.

melissa, luke and scott hang back while nicki rehearses the actors.

renny, the trusty dp, hangs on the beach.

clawfoot

2009-01-11T09:11:00.001-08:00

twice daily

2009-01-10T20:45:00.001-08:00

ya and ratdog

2009-01-07T07:38:00.001-08:00

fake cactus

2009-01-06T11:49:00.001-08:00

ratdog on the back stoop

2009-01-05T14:39:00.001-08:00

two turds

2009-01-04T00:13:00.000-08:00

ramona and annie in a totally candid moment.
this is the real deal, folks.
i took this with my new LG camera phone. not bad, eh?

campsite trash

2009-01-03T10:48:00.000-08:00

camping in big sur

2009-01-02T00:36:00.000-08:00

the new year's in big sur crew:
annie, ramona, mandi, victoria and me.

hello 2009

2009-01-01T20:50:00.005-08:00

every year i anticipate my new year's eve being mostly boring and anticlimactic. every new year's before now has been that way. go to a party, drink champagne, pass out after the ball drops... and then a new year begins. this year, in an effort to avoid said monotony, annie, mandi, ramona, victoria and i went down to big sur to camp for the night. i couldn't imagine a better way to spend new year's eve. as midnight struck the five of us sat on a rocky cliff overlooking the pacific, a bright starry sky above us.

here are my favorite polaroids of the trip:

sunset over the pacific.

victoria leads the way as ramona and annie walk in stride and mandi stops to take it all in.

more polaroids of the adventure to come...

ginko leaves

2008-12-30T23:16:00.001-08:00

fall in december. oakland, ca.

civic center plaza

2008-12-30T17:47:00.000-08:00

the city of san francisco not of brotherly love

2008-12-30T17:03:00.005-08:00

claudia and bernhard came up to sf for the holidays.
brunch dates two days in a row.
today we went to a strange little place called munch haven on market street. the fries were decent. and we took a nice little stroll down memory lane.

here the two love birds pose in their super sexy plaid.

we have two cats

2008-12-28T12:09:00.001-08:00

annie and sbt.

annie and lady schmelks.

low angles

2008-12-27T12:33:00.000-08:00

silhouette

2008-12-26T16:34:00.000-08:00

annie and the heater

2008-12-16T23:07:00.004-08:00

the only place of refuge in our cold, old home.

'charlie'

2008-12-08T02:16:00.002-08:00

the cast lines up for a shot.

this weekend i worked as 1st assistant camera for my classmate renny's first year film. it was a blast. i learned so much and had a lot of fun. the film took place in a school and involved 16 adolescences, some incredible sunlight and a handful of dolly shots. here are some production stills:

hannah, art director, sips on some coffee as the day begins.

renny frames the shot.

hannah and nicki cut it up as the day winds down.

mt. diablo

2008-11-30T10:24:00.001-08:00

abby, ramona and annie take in nature.
quite possibly my favorite polaroid ever.

ramona models her duck hat on mt. diablo.

post danksgiving

2008-11-28T17:00:00.004-08:00

this year was my first thanksgiving with friends. i enjoyed the holiday right here in oakland, california with my housemates annie and ramona and their (and now my) good friend abby. we initiated what will from now on be referred to as 'danksgiving', a gluttonous feast of tasty, homemade food, a few bottles of wine, and refreshingly good company.

the day after thanksgiving put us somewhere between leftovers and sloth but we did manage to pull ourselves out of the house for a day drive deep into the east bay. our excursion took us to to mt.diablo park in walnut creek where we took these lovely polaroids:

laughing it up on a pee stop.

candid.
the sheer genius of this photo actually blows my mind.
really. seriously. you can't fake this shit.

and the trio is complete with a candid that leaves
ramona obstructed by none other than
'the mount diablo review'.

abandoned adventure in arbuckle

2008-11-23T09:32:00.004-08:00

while on our location scout marcia and i made a stop to photograph this old abandoned home right off the main road in arbuckle, ca. it was a beautiful structure full of windows and light. the holes in the ceiling made it possible for me to take some great interiors. check 'em out:

the exterior of the house.
it looks like it could just crumble into itself at any moment.

i fell in love with this room. the large number of south facing windows provided plenty of light. but you can see that the most interesting light is coming from the gaps in the ceiling. if you look close enough you can really see the texture of the debris on the floor. but my favorite part of this photo is the movement of the windows; how they've become slanted and now descend and ascend in what feels like carefully calculated choreography.

i had to climb on a shaky banister to get this shot. but what a lovely old stove. for some reason it makes me think of bonnie and clyde...

another windows shot. the shape of these windows and the quality of light of the scene beyond makes it feel like each window is its own little polaroid, wouldn't you say?

power lines and railroad tracks

2008-11-22T18:49:00.003-08:00

on friday marcia and i went on a little day trip to scope out the location where we'll be shooting my first year film in january. we had quite an adventure:

it really felt like fall in yolo county. bright yellow leaves framed roads that never ended.

train tracks. arbuckle, ca.

the cinematographer scopes out a high angle.

golden gate bridge

2008-11-16T14:31:00.000-08:00

film school

2008-11-14T14:08:00.001-08:00

more rewind

2008-11-13T01:15:00.004-08:00

home. decatur, ga.

sophie washes her hands amongst a never ending row of port-a-potties at the adirondack hot air balloon festival. september 2005.

my old spectra before it kicked the bucket.

sophie and polly on a beach in north carolina.
march 2006.

rewind

2008-11-11T23:50:00.004-08:00

because im knee deep in pre-production business i havent had much time to go on polaroid adventures. but i did recently uncover some old favorites of mine.

so please, enjoy these blasts from the past:

the beautiful kitty displays a glowing virigin de guadalupe.
you can read all about her los angeles adventures here.

sophomore year of college. heels and wine.

jonah and jax. two of my favorite people.

sophomore year. sophie enjoys a cold, crisp dr.pepper.

disposable camera

2008-11-01T17:15:00.004-07:00

i took some 35mm stills along with the polaroids on my location scouting adventure. i used a fuji outdoor disposable camera. i think they came out quite nicely. saturated and bright.

scouting locations part 2

2008-10-28T07:05:00.002-07:00

more from the scouting adventure. these three are my favorites:

i fell in love with power lines...

i've always been drawn to industrial farm equipment but this one really stood out to me. i find there to be something very art deco about the design of this structure.

palm trees on palm street. welcome to california.

scouting locations part 1

2008-10-27T09:39:00.003-07:00

in january of 2009 i'll be shooting my first film on 16mm: the first year film at san francisco state university is the culminating work for your first year as an mfa candidate. on sunday i went out to various towns in the central valley of northern california to find locations for my short film, a narrative that captures a moment of isolation and then unification in rural, middle of nowhere california.

here are some polaroids from that adventure:

nicki, my fellow classmate and dear friend, poses against the neverending fields and blue sky.

what appears to be an old abandoned aqueduct. it stretched almost the entirety of hahn rd in arbuckle, ca.

an abandoned farm storage tank stands rusted amongst miles of dry land and power lines.

on the set

2008-10-19T00:17:00.002-07:00

scott and renny run a scene before rolling.

today i shot my first project on film for the mfa program at sf state. i shot in a group of four with paul, renny and scott. it was a lot of work and a lot of fun. we each had to shoot 100ft of 16mm film which adds up to, roughly, 2 minutes and 47 seconds. you'd think with that limited amount of film it couldn't possibly take all day. think again. it's such a grueling process, especially when you're trying to orchestrate some semblance of a narrative with actors and blocking.

we first shot renny's film: a complicated narrative of love, lust, deceit and murder told in an elaborate non-linear fashion. in one long take. we then moved to the street where we shot scott's staging of a shady deal gone wrong. scott also got some on the fly shots of a neighborhood second grader boasting his skills on the pogo stick. this was followed by subway sandwiches and my film, a modge podge of high fives and sunglasses, complete with an orange and typewriter for props. then we trekked three blocks to defremery park where paul documented a graffiti festival and scott ate a delicious hotdog.

it was a long and exhausting day but it was the first day where i really felt how i imagined i would feel in film school. sweat, stress and chaos all made worth it by the lovely hum of a rolling camera...
finally kids, we have landed.

housemates

2008-10-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

more of my mates:

annie.

ilyssa.

clio.

ramona and our lemon tree

2008-10-06T00:52:00.002-07:00

i've been really into portraits lately. maybe it's because i live with so many attractive people. anyway, more to come . . .

cereal factory

2008-10-05T10:00:00.003-07:00

just a couple blocks from my west oakland home a cereal factory churns out coco puffs on the daily, 24 hours a day seven days a week. the whole neighborhood smells like sugar and dough, a most comforting regularity.
yesterday i got a couple shots of the joint and in the process learned that the factory was built in 1910 and has been a cereal factory from the beginning. this information came from a nice man in a white pick up truck who stopped to chat when he saw me in the middle of the road getting this shot:

union street.

union and 14th. the front of the factory.

14th street sidewalk

chinatown

2008-10-04T13:34:00.003-07:00

so i caved and bought a bulk supply of polaroid film. i'm going to make a serious effort to make it last. but since it arrived today i had to go out and shoot wherever inspiration arose. here are a few shots from my morning bike ride through oakland's chinatown.

franklin and 9th is one of few intersections that has an all corners crosswalk, allowing pedestrians to walk the diag across the street.

wahing trading co.

hotel travelers.

portraits of ramona

2008-09-29T23:31:00.003-07:00

these are my latest polaroids, the last two shots of my last roll.
i'm thinking of splurging on some 600 before it's gone...

ramona plays her homemade didgeridoo.

ramona and alexis sit on the stoop.

labor day

2008-09-13T19:44:00.002-07:00

labor day adventure to marin county.
ramona let me drive the camera on this sunny day. . .

car trouble? diana climbs a tree in the background as clio and ramona assess the situation.

beach snack.

telephone.

ramona and diana. baywatch babes.

ramona and clio. stinson beach.

the new digs

2008-09-10T00:13:00.003-07:00

a month ago i moved to oakland, california to start film school at san francisco state university. since i have no digital camera and i cant afford polaroid film i havent had any material with which to update my blog.
but my dear friend and new housemate, ramona, has a digital camera and took these photos of our new home.
this is where i live:

adventures in missouri

2008-08-13T20:59:00.002-07:00

this old one-lane bridge brought us to miles of winding road alongside cornfields.

on day two i drove from tulsa, ok to st.louis, mo to see my dear friend paulette. i was only in stl for a couple days but the adventures had were amazing, nonetheless.

on saturday myself, polly, dan, adam and chris decided to venture out to pacific, mo (about thirty minutes outside of stl) in search of an abandoned mansion polly's father had mentioned. we knew it was kinda a long shot but we pressed on with determination. when we first arrived in pacific we took a slight detour to explore some old caves off the main road. after climbing over some suspicious sandy material we headed to an old one-lane bridge where polly said we could see the house and from there devise a plan to get to it. we saw a large white house amongst some trees up on a hill and figured we just needed to find a way up to it. we found an old deserted road and followed it to its end. from there we climbed a steep and slippery hill to get to the top. once we got up dan and adam walked further to see how to get to the house. chris, polly and i waited at the foot of the cliff. they returned with sad news: the house we were after was, in fact, not abandoned. you can imagine our disappointment.

we considered it an adventure despite our lack of success. after we climbed back down we got pulled over by the cops and then got ice cream. the day ended with the three stellar polaroids and ticks for polly and dan . . .

dan reports the bad news.

adam and dan: sweaty, sexy woodsmen.

picher, ok

2008-08-13T08:15:00.006-07:00

my cross country journey took me from the west end of the oklahoma panhandle all the way across to the northeast corner of the state. just as i was about to cross the oklahoma-kansas border i passed through a little town called picher.

something felt off as i entered the town. and as i got further in i noticed a whole grouping of damaged homes to my right, with a no-trespassing sign loftily staked at the main road entrance. i, of course, indulged my curiosity and ventured into the neighborhood. i anticipated finding a couple arsoned homes or something of the like. but what i discovered was so much more. a whole neighborhood of of picher had been completely desecrated. homes with roofs torn off and on the ground beside them, furniture strewn about the streets, entire trees ripped from the earth now lay with their roots facing the sky. it soon sank in that this town suffered a severe natural disaster. later research confirmed this town was hit by a tornado in may 2008.

the following polaroids were all i could capture of the left-behind town. the whole experience was simultaneously unsettling, beautiful and sad.

a tree lies, its roots exposed.

'dear jon's archery supply'
one of the less-damaged homes sits amongst storm trash and debris.

this home reads 'SEATO'. im not exactly sure what it means.
the sentiment to the left reads 'what's left of it'.

an abandoned home sits still while the wind moves the curtains in and out of the shattered windows.

it was so bright out that i wasn't able to totally capture this street sign.
it reads '7th street' above a pile of debris that includes a home, a tree and some left behind toys.

driving through this town was incredibly intense. what was so crazy about it was that driving in, through and out took less than an hour. this town was so small yet i can't imagine the magnitude of effect this tornado had on the people who lived there. as i drove out of the town i noticed all the store fronts and businesses were closed and abandoned. how can you run businesses in a town if no one lives there anymore?

and picher is just one example of small town america being fought and defeated by natural disaster. i cant help wonder where all these people went and what is going to happen to this little town.

** further research indicates that the town of picher was already undergoing abandonment after many residents left due to poor air and water conditions. this was the result of years of underground lead and zinc mining. **

on the road to tulsa

2008-08-11T21:09:00.006-07:00

the abandoned chelsea motel off the old route 66.

she's a child. not a choice!
pro-life propaganda on a rural route road.
i wasn't able to really capture the best part of this sign which is the totally bizarre 'child' represented.

oklahoma corn. i saw a lot of this on my drive.

as high as an elephant's eye.

west to east

2008-08-11T17:51:00.003-07:00

my trip home from alamosa took me through, across and over nine different states in only four days. colorado to new mexico to oklahoma to kansas to missouri to illinois to kentucky to tennessee to georgia.

it was a wonderful drive; a fantastic adventure. i took many polaroids along the way and over the next couple of days will post the images and stories of my journeys. . .

i found this old abandoned farmhouse off of route 412 in oklahoma.

as always i am drawn to window frames.

this is my favorite. interiors and exteriors co-exist in abandoned bliss.

devil's playground part II

2008-08-06T16:50:00.006-07:00

before i lost my camera to the wild rio grande i got some digital documentation of devil's playground. i love polaroids, naturally, but the digitals do a really great job of capturing the whole space. the following are some highlight shots of the railroad ruins.

devil's playground part I

2008-08-01T22:54:00.003-07:00

today i left alamosa. it was surprisingly painless and harmonious; the time came to leave. so i left.

before i skipped town i made a trip to devil's playground, a sort-of ghost town where many left behind railway cars and shacks live. i've posted about this place once before.

anyway, here are more polaroids of the joint. i am so in love with this space. i hope it remains for years to come (mostly cause i'd love to shoot a movie there.)

ski hi stampede

2008-07-30T11:34:00.004-07:00

last sunday jenna, eric, kevin & i headed to monte vista for the ski hi stampede, colorado's oldest pro rodeo. i had never been to the rodeo before. i had no idea what to expect. i mean i anticipated tight jeans on cowboys and plaid button up shirts. oh but it was so much more. it was an amazing spectacle: mutton bustin, bull riding, barrel racing, steer wrestling and team roping. if i hadn't dropped my camera in el rio grande i would have taken a million photos. but alas, i only had my polaroid, which is not a sufficient device for taking photos from far away. what i do have, however, are some polaroids from the adjacent carnival. i was too poor to afford actually going on the rides. but i did get some sweet shots:

jenna and kevin look on at all the amazing rides.
isn't jenna's outfit amazing?

the ferris wheel, a glorious invention.

on loss & leaving

2008-07-24T09:50:00.003-07:00

not many posts for the month of july, i know. it's been a whirlwind, to say the least. i've found myself on a roller coaster of emotion, feeling everything from excitement to dread as i finish out my year of service in alamosa and prepare myself for the trek further west to california.

in a week and a half i will leave alamosa, by car, stopping in st.louis, missouri to see my dear paulette before landing home in atlanta. there i will gather myself and my belongings, spend time with the fam, and then fly out to san francisco on the 14th. i am so excited and anxious to get to the bay area. i feel very blessed knowing there will be people there waiting for me, to welcome me and help me get settled. then i start film school on aug 26th. a year ago i would not have guessed i'd finally be following my life long instinct at 22. but i am. and im scared and jazzed and anxious and rowdy. ants in my pants!

all this being said, i had a very enlightening experience just a few days ago that was profoundly reflective of my current state of mind. my friend mary kate and i (and her friend dan) were on a walking adventure through the thick of alamosa. she had told us of a strange abandoned structure along the river known as 'monkey mansion' where a man with pet monkeys had once dwelled before going crazy, killing his wife and precious primates (a rural legend, if you will). to get to the left behind site we had to cross a pseudo foot bridge over el rio grande, right above a small dam. the foot bridge was not really a foot bridge at all; more like a crossing for river maintenance. as we crossed i took a few photos of mk and dan, the sunset, the river. the sky was a deep blue with airy clouds brushed thinly across, as if trying to stretch the valley from east to west. i snapped my digital incessantly, as i do, walking across the bridge, in awe of the dusk. mk and dan stopped for a moment, propped themselves up upon the rail. i stuck my digital camera in a pocket of my overall jumper, lifted myself upon the bar and stretched my legs onto the rail in front of me. as i lifted my legs i felt my camera slide out of my pocket and watched as it bounced in slow motion off the bridge and into the river, swiftly flowing south.

a year ago i would have screamed. two months ago i would have cried. three weeks ago i would have felt terribly bad for myself and my misfortune. but at that moment in time, almost a week ago, i could only feel relieved. somehow, losing my camera to the currents of el rio grande felt deeply liberating. and as mary kate tried to convince me of the benefits of chasing after it i could only say, 'it's okay'. it may seem like a minor, insignificant moment but for me it felt meaningful and beautiful and perfect. suddenly the true intangibility of instant nostalgia made itself blatantly apparent. the need to photograph everything can sometimes get in the way of experiencing anything. so when we finally got to monkey mansion i was forced to just be there, 100% present and at peace. and now, in my last days in colorado, i can only be here, happy and full of love for a place that has changed me more than i ever imagined possible.

so i no longer have a digital camera. granted, i am still in possession of my two polaroid cameras and will now, more than ever, hold onto them with severe responsibility. but honestly, it's these little losses and fleeting moments that make life so full, so real. and while i am terrified of what is to come i am gently at peace. in the words of kurt vonnegut . . .

everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

frontier house

2008-07-17T08:22:00.001-07:00

old abandoned farm house near mosca, colorado. a collection of photos of this same house can be found on the slv dweller.